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August 10, 2011     Sentinel Tribune
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August 10, 2011
 

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SENTINEL TRIBUNE VIEWPOINT Wednesday, August 10, 2011 Page 4 B E T W E E N By Tom Merchant - Sentinel Tribune -- tmerchant@ncppub.com THE LINES The mystery of Philay "Fishy" Pike... Fishy has been a fix- ture on First Avenue in Westbrook for about 20 years. He resided in a ice cream pail in front of Arnie Jensen's Barbershop and LaDonna's Beauty Shop. Of course he only spent his summers here noting how cold the winters are. In a recent interview, Fishy said, "I prefer McAllen, TX in the winter time, the fish down there are very friendly." Fishy has had a fairly uneventful life living in his small surroundings. "But it's home to me," he said. Fishy always felt he might have grown much larger like some of his relatives who live in Double Lake. "But then again it has always been a safe environ- ment for me," Fishy exclaimed. However, he does recall several close calls. "Once a prankster, who shall remain nameless, scooped me out of my bucket, and I ended up in the old Brook Lanes Cafe. But then my friend Arnie found me and returned me to my familiar sur- roundings," he sputtered. Hair stylist Deb Lamb commented that one day a couple little boys w~e WQlking by and one of them scooped up Fishy and started walking away with him. "I stuck my head out the door and told him he had better bring Fishy back, and they did," she said. LaDonna commented that people would walk by and look in the bucket and do a double take when they saw him in the bucket. When asked where he got Fishy, Arnie thought he got it from his sister, Helen, after her husband, Cliff Stillings, passed away. Well, Fishy disap- peared a couple days ago, and Arnie is worried that he might be gone for good. They noticed a couple kids hanging iii around by Fishy's pail shortly before he turned up missing. Jensen told us that one of the kids told him his sister might have taken Fishy. But so far nothing has turned up. A Green Fish Alert has been filed with the author- ities, but so far there have been no reel leads. We have checked with local law enforce- ment, the FBI, and the CIA. None of them had .anyteads, butwe are told they are all working on it. We have even checked with Congress, but none of the dead fish there match the description of Fishy. Of course most of them wouldn't know a dead fish if it hit them in the face. Well, so far there has been no reward posted for the return of Fishy, but the Jensen's said "if he is returned no questions will be asked. Fishy is almost a part of our family. If any- one knows his where abouts we sure would like him back." Have a good week and do good! Mission Statement The Sentinel Tribune serves the residents and business community of Cottonwood, Redwood, Murray and Lyon County and southwest Minnesota by applying its available resources to accurately and consistently produce a quality newspaper which thoroughly covers the news of the area, stimulates thought and conversation, delivers advertising mes- sages in a timely manner, and provides information of general value to its public. In so doing contributes to the overall quality of life and economic health of its readers, advertisers and community in general while stimulating the professional development of its employees. I[" Sentinel Tribune Thomas Merchant Junette Merchant Joan Spielman (ISSN 8750-3905) Managing Editor Office & Production Office & Production Published every Wednesday at Westbrook, Minnesota 56183 Periodicals Postage Paid at Westbrook, Minnesota 56183 SUBSCRIPTION PRICE FOR THE SENTINEL TRIBUNE WILL ~B38E" In the following counties: Cottonwood, Redwood, and Murray .00 per year. Elsewhere in Minnesota $42.00 per year. Out of the state $48.00 per year. Canada and foreign countries inquire at the Sentinel Tribune office. If wrong amount is submitted subscrip- tion will be pro rated accordingly. -xq ,o S?cot& 5acr'i c - to b lgn ce i AI BaH... "Stories from the Batt Cave" When cows play bingo The Loafers' Club was meet- ing. We meet for about an hour each morning. We do nothing except talk about how we could do even less. Then we go home and rest. The following is a transcript of the discussion between Loafers. The words have been altered slightly to enhance the truth. "What were you doing out in your yard on Monday?" "1 was fertilizing my lawn." "Why?" "1o make the grass grow." '~/hat were you doing out in your yard on Tuesday?" "1 was watering my lawn." "Why?" "1o make the grass grow." called cowpie bingo, bovine bingo, bossy bingo, cow chip bingo, and cow patty bingo. It was scratch and sniff. Everyone sniffed until the winner got the scratch. Bovine bingo was like a lottery only with more natural fertilizer. It was a joyful event. We tried to hold a Miss Cow Plop Bingo competition, but it was dif- ficult to find much enthusiasm among the community's young ladies for such a thing. Not a one was desirous of having "Miss Cow Plop" on her resume. Here's the scoop on bossy bingo. A bit of mowed grass was fenced in and squares chalked across it. Folks bet on which of the num- bered squares the cow would drop a cowpie. There was much thought put into which numbered "What were you doing out in square a gambler put his or her your yard on Wednesday?" money. You don't plop your .. "1 was .mowing the lawn." money down without researching "Why?" ~ .....Cow patty bingo. Each bettor 'q-he grass was growing too tall." We make work for ourselves. If the grass is going to grow like weeds, maybe weeds should be given the opportunity to grow like grass. Here at the Batt Cave, we practice selective lawn care. We leave the decisions as to the quality and location of the lawn fertilizer to the animals. I haven't been involved in applying fertilizer for years. Let's see, when was the last time? Here we cut to a flashback. Ripple dissolve. Defocus. Wavy lines. Hartland once ran a fundraiser called cow plop bingo. We had to. We don't have a casino. The money raised by the bingo game went to a good cause. Cow plop bingo had other names: It was wanted to put his or her money where the poop would be. The cow was a healthy Holstein. When it came time to wager, Weasel bet on the square that would receive the first shade of the day. Weasel believed a Holstein was more likely to relieve itself in the shade. It is a wonder he isn't rich. All the squares were deeded. The win- ner would get a swell prize. We kept an eye on the cow. Maybe there were too many eyes on the cow. We may have made the cow nervous. Unfortunately, a constipated cow was employed. A constipat- ed cow! What cow doesn't get enough fiber in her diet? She ate hay! How did a constipated cow ever get booked for such a job? Someone messed up during the job interview. The cow wouldn't go no matter how much it was encouraged. I blamed it on Furry Murray who ate a beef sandwich in front of the cow. I think that bound up the poor bovine. It was decided by the authorities that someone should keep an eye on the cow and its movements, just in case some unscrupulous per- son (from out of town) moved the fertilizer from one square to another. Gambling can bring out the bad side of good people. I plopped down and watched for the plop in the drop area. I sat near the cow pen from midnight to three in the morning, waiting for something to happen. As I awaited the momentous occa- sion, I considered the age-old question, "If a cow goes in the grass and no one sees it, does it still make a sound?" Nothing transpired during my shift, 6utl did get the eXperience of b'eih~'a bovine bingo sentry. It looks good on my resume. The cow did go--finally. We all have to go sometime. It provided free fertilizer without so much as a moo. The meadow muffin fell on the winning square to the clamor of the crowd. I believe cow plop bingo pass- es as culture. It will undoubtedly be an event in the next Olympics. What did the winner of this bizarre bovine bingo bonanza receive? A T-shirt that read, "A cow pooped on my square and all I got was this crummy T-shirt." AI Batt 2011 71622 325 St. 1-1, MN 56042 http://albatt.net/ Ik "Snowbirds" may put their paper on hold at no extra charge while they are gone, or pay $5.00 extra to have it mailed out of state. Missed copies cannot be furnished because the cost of mailing single copies is about $2.00. Any request for a back copy must include $3.00. Newstand price is $1.00 per copy Copyright 2011 Sentinel Tribune a New Century Press Newspaper Mail Change of Address Notice to: P. O. Box 98, Westbrook, MN 56183 CALL WESTBROOK OFFICE 507-274-6136 FAX 507-274-6137 TOLL-FREE 1-800-410-1859 News Desk E-mail sentrib@ncppub.com Editor tmerchant@ncppub.com OR DROP NEWS ITEMS AT THE OLESON'S MERCANTILE WALNUT GROVE Monday thru Friday 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Saturday 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. (Ads & News items are picked up 9:00 a.m. on Friday) DEADLINES All news 12 Noon Monday All Peach Ads 9 am Friday Sentinel Tribune Ads 12 Noon Monday Classified Ads 9 am Friday (All non-business ads must be pre-paid) WESTBROOK SENTINEL TRIBUNE OFFICE HOURS Monday, Tuesday 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. Wednesday 8:30 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. Thursday 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. Friday 8:30 a.m. - 12:00 p.m.